For my new (and old) friends, this will look like a confession. And so it is.
I announced to “the world” this week that “my vision is healed.” Yes, within my home, up to 20’ or so, all the double-ness is gone and things look unified to me again. I’m wearing my contacts.
But, yesterday, I went outdoors…traveling, though not driving myself. I was dismayed to see the world still looking double, at that longer range.
Now the other 9-10 times my vision has healed over the years, this is the normal progression.. up close gets better first, then gradually, far away heals as well, till all is unified.
But this time, the stakes are higher. This time, because of the blog, I have “others” watching me. Did I lie? Was I premature? Am I a fake, a charlatan? This morning, all these accusations are running around the back corners of my mind, barely loud enough to hear, but making me uneasy nevertheless.
Which brings up the issue of doubt.
Which, in turn, brings up the usefulness of crises.
I’m not going to explore doubt at the moment. I’m sure you all have your own stories about it, and know what I’m talking about. What I’m going to explore is how, sometimes, in a crisis (or what we perceive as a crisis) all doubt disappears and we are capable of super-human focus and accomplishment.
Remember the stories of a small woman able to lift a car off a child in a moment of need? I can relate. I feel the strength in me to do that.
But after the child is safe, how strong is that woman? Can she maintain a strong-state-of-mind? Will she take any of the wonder of that moment, any of the obvious physical achievement, and change her life? Will she change because of it?
Or will she go back to her normal?
In nearly all natural (or man-made) disasters around the globe, we gradually hear the stories of tremendous love, purpose, generosity, coming-together, healing, and selflessness that appears in those aftermaths. Humans are capable of these behaviors and qualities.
But in “normal” times, we as a people can be quite self-absorbed, uncaring, and isolated.
Might we “need” a crisis to discover qualities we hadn’t been using? Strength. Decision. Expansive love. Compassion. Crossing racial/ethnic/religious boundaries. Faith that things can be better and the effort to move in that direction.
On the personal level, do I need a crisis to realize my thoughts impact my health? To become aware of them? Do I need a crisis to focus my will? Is my faith, my awareness, so ramshackle that it falls apart and I go back to doubt and low-grade fear as a way of life?
I say NO. I’m once again releasing this moment of doubt, letting it go, and letting my mind be easy. That Strength, that Expansive Love, that Healing, is not “of me” anyway. All I really have to do, once again, is get out of the way.
