Healing | Linda Chubbuck

November 22, 2015 Harmony, Healing Post a Comment

The Myth of Redemptive Violence

We are, as a culture, so caught up in a myth that we cannot see it, and here it is again, this week, following the Paris massacres.

That myth is the Myth of Redemptive Violence* – that somehow, by offering violence back in the face of violence, everything turns out well – that goodness triumphs and everything is safe.

Our movies are filled with this myth, our sci-fi books, and certainly our news media and many video games.

The myth goes like this: in the face of violence, or hatred, or aggression, we respond with GREATER violence, hatred and aggression – and we win.

But this is not football or even hockey. This is our world. And any public school classroom teacher with an ounce of wisdom has learned this: in the face of violence and provocation, a violent response (even if it wins for the moment) is almost sure to provoke greater violence in the future.

In fact, basic psychology can predict that the original perpetrator of the violence is actually HOPING for a serious push-back.

Any parent or teacher who’s ever tried to use wisdom in being with young people knows this.

So why are our international leaders so full-throttle-ahead to do what any smart junior high teacher would resist doing?

Here we come to the Myth of Redemptive Violence. Somehow, by offering violence back in the face of violence, everything turns out well. The problem is, it doesn’t work. Ever. Even in the case of the “good guys” winning, the hatred simply goes underground and pops back up a few years later, with more resentment, more recruits (easy to recruit after the violent push-back), and more sophisticated tactics.

The worst part is that much of this Revenge-Politics-Warfare is justified in the name of Christianity.

Are you kidding me?

Jesus taught the opposite of Redemptive Violence. His very death was a demonstration of non-resistance, of love and forgiveness overcoming violence.

The redemption Jesus taught was love. Compassion. Forgiveness. Even surrender in some circumstances.

I’m not a foreign policy expert and I don’t know the right response. But I wonder – how would things play out if there were no declarations of “war to end all wars,” no battle cries? What if there were prayer circles everywhere for those lost and their loved ones? What if those in power gave up the rhetoric, but quietly used all channels available to them to track down the actual persons – the individuals and the group – responsible for the killings to bring them to justice? What if there were no bombing of nations to cause civilians to cower and eventually hate the bombers – and then join the terrorists? What if there were think tanks of the most brilliant and loving people on the planet called together to break the hold that terrorism has on the planet? What if startling and outrageous loving actions were put into place to shake the grip of the terrorists? What if multi-cultural and multi-faith groups stepped up with plans to work locally on reducing the power of terrorism?

A little film came across my Facebook feed today. A Muslim man stood blindfolded in the Place de la Republique in Paris. At his feet are two signs, saying: “I’m a Muslim, but I’m told that I’m a terrorist.” The second sign reads, “I trust you, do you trust me? If YES, HUG ME.” Many Parisians did, often with tears. He stayed until dusk, when he spoke, saying “A terrorist is … someone willing to kill another human being over nothing. A Muslim would never do that. Our religion forbids it.” (Search for BLINDFOLD MUSLIM HUG if you want to see it)

We live in a time when people of many religions are using the mask of religion to justify murder. It’s time to recognize this dynamic for what it is. It’s time to call the terrorists “murderers” and nothing more. It’s time to slow down our reactive fury and grief. It’s time to consider wisdom in our response.

Here is a young man who did just that – Antoine Leiris’, who lost his wife and mother of his son that night in Paris. This is what greater wisdom looks like. Here’s a reading of the letter he posted on Facebook just a day or two after the massacre: http://on.aol.ca/video/i-won-t-give-you-the-gift-of-hating-you-519258337 This is one way to break the cycle of never-ending violence.

*Thanks to the Reverend Sallye Taylor for speaking on the topic of the Myth of Redemptive Violence.

September 7, 2015 Empowerment, Healing Post a Comment

What do you need to do to take care of yourself? #1

“What do you need to do to take care of yourself?”

This powerful and lovely question was asked of me so many times by my favorite therapist ever, Norma. It always hit me like a warm and bracing hug. “Oh!” My mind would reset from the panic state I was in to a calming one of self-care. “Uhmmm…. maybe I could write in my journal..”

Contrary to popular belief, this is not a selfish question, but rather, a reflection of self-love. Which by the way, is absolutely essential as a prerequisite to loving others.

Yesterday I had the honor of speaking on the phone with a woman friend who is suffering severe heartbreak at the moment. Once I was there (twice actually if I’m honest), the first time for a number of years. Wow… you’d think I would have known better, but… !

I listened, she talked, then she listened, I talked. I tried to give her a map through the heartache, while still being compassionate with her grief.

It seems to me that, in the case of love lost (a relationship), ended due to one party’s declaration that it’s not right for them, there are often two dynamics at work to create intense pain.

Grief – the honest, authentic feeling of missing the person, the activities shared, the hugs, the laughter. While you can certainly numb the pain of grief (alcohol, brownies, pizza, pot… another quick relationship/sex), the only way to clear it from your life is to go through it, tears and all.

At one time in my life I had avoided feeling the pain of rejection for so long that when I finally determined to stand in the fire and feel it I was afraid I would die from crying. No kidding. (You’re thinking I was in my teens? .. nope – in my mid-40’s if you’re wondering.)

I had done enough 12 step work, some therapy, and lots of reading about co-dependency to realize I had to stop and let the grief catch up to me. To NOT numb myself. To allow all the past rejections and hurts to catch up as well, roll them all into one to grieve.

I cried off and on for weeks. I wrote in my journal, I cried to God. I called a couple of friends. But I didn’t start a new relationship, distract myself with food or sex, or start drinking.

And I noticed something. I didn’t die from it.

I grew stronger. Through standing in the pain and the grief, I grew stronger.

That gave me courage. And the courage lessened my fear. Maybe it was just tears and pain, maybe it wouldn’t kill me.

I realized I could hold my own Irish wake – let myself keen and wail for what I’d lost.

But I had to pay attention to the second dynamic as well: Story.

I like stories. Stories can be healing, inspirational, connective. But they can also be deadly and limiting if you are caught up in a Disempowering Storyline.

For example, in the case of love lost, here’s a common storyline: I drove him away! I’ll never have anyone love me like he did. I’ll be alone the rest of my life. He was the perfect man and I screwed it up. I’m a complete loser and I can never get this right.

These stories and similar ones create the second, truly paralyzing dynamic that operates in a love-lost situation.

Unlike grief, which should be allowed to express fully in safe and supportive environments, these stories need to be outed and confronted.

Author Byron Katie’s line of questions are one of many powerful ways to confront the statements your mind is making: “I drove him away!” Is that true? Where would you be without that statement?

Journaling the untruths, the stories you are telling yourself, then praying your way to a different perception, or talking back to that voice of despair, all are empowering ways to confront this Disempowering Storyline.

Try this on. What if you said to yourself: “I really really miss him. But it’s true we weren’t a totally great fit in some areas. I’m going to practice loving myself so well I will be ready for the right partner to come along before long. I’m going to do my work and strengthen myself, find ways to love my self and my life. I refuse to tell myself stories of scarcity about partners. The right person and I will find each other!”

A cornerstone of self-care and self-love is knowing yourself and what you need. In the case of love-lost, it might be mourning, and it might be telling yourself a new story.

What do you need to do to take care of yourself?

September 1, 2015 Empowerment, Harmony, Healing 1 Comment

Cry for Love

Do you see the news somewhere? Even if you don’t watch TV news, headlines and big stories show up on FB and in conversations. If we are wanting more love, more harmony…well, love and harmony are pretty low volume at the moment. What’s making the noise and the news? Here are some recent voices, my thoughts on what’s behind them, and what we might do.

Donald Trump on Mexican immigrants: “They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists.”

I don’t even want to quote the racist comments being made by people with a public platform. Or hateful remarks made towards the gay community. Or the trans community. But they cross my desk/screen/awareness all too often.

I’m into positive thinking and “looking for the good.” I truly am. My heart starts to hurt when I see the hatefulness, the efforts to control or shame or ostracize others “unlike us,” as it were. We, in this country, have been heating up the hatefulness these past few years.

Much of what is being spouted in hate lately masquerades as some “right” or other, loud voices shouting about rights and pointing fingers.

My dad was a thoughtful man who did his best to live an ethical life. One of many things he often said about freedom and human rights was this: “My right to swing my arm ends just a little short of your nose.”

I call it the Disease of Oppositionalism. Many people are eagerly engaged in finger-pointing, blame, judgment and other forms of hatefulness. How are we different from the hotspots of the world that have suffered for years with warfare and the inevitable poverty, displacement and destitution that follows war.

Researcher and author Brené Brown learned in her extensive interviews with people about issues of worthiness, joy and shame, that the research proves this: we are inclined to judge others most harshly in areas where we feel unsure of ourselves.

To see someone doing “worse than we are,” in an area that we don’t feel very secure in, is a perfect opportunity to judge. Add in hatefulness for good measure – to further distance ourselves from “those people.”

This explains why someone like Josh Duggar, while lecturing others on family values, gets caught in a commercialized affair through Ashley Madisondotcom. Oops! Maybe he was feeling just a bit uncertain of his ability to remain faithful and honest with his wife and family? So, hey, let’s just find someone/some group to judge and “Take a Stand for Clean Living!”

Like the minister’s note-to-self: “Your point is weak – POUND the podium here.”

Who amongst us is not a bit timid about having a real conversation with someone we disagree with? About abortion rights, immigration, guns, gay rights, trans-sexuals, even religion? Do we feel safe or are we afraid we’ll be shouted down? Or shamed? It’s easier to talk about something inconsequential, like the weather, or sports, or… Then everyone goes back to their own safe corner and stews in their own opinions.

Watching our world through the screens of online news and Facebook, it’s painful to see that isolated hatefulness simmer and stew until finally it boils over into a desperate act of some sort. Or in some cases, a really foolish and inflammatory remark made by a newscaster or a public figure.

If you are thinking I’m coming to some sort of awesome answer by the end of this blog, sorry to disappoint you. I dreamed last night of watching a news story of a group of gang members, including a young boy, with bombs strapped to their bodies, who blew themselves up in the street because of the chronic anguish of living with violence and hatefulness. I was grieving to watch it.

Just a dream, I know.

The Course in Miracles says that everything is either an act of love, or a cry for love. NO one does not want love. But so many of us are walking through life so immersed in shame and self-loathing that we must find someone else to dump it on. To blame. To hate and demonize. Only creating an enemy can make us feel one-up, a bit better about ourselves.

I don’t know the way out. But I have a hint of the direction. And I’m doing the best I can to move in that direction. Here are my suggestions to turn the cries for love into Love itself.

Confront bullying wherever you find yourself facing it. Your spouse? An encounter at the store? Politics? You may or may not be the target. Especially confront it if you are in a position of power/influence and someone without that power is being bullied or shamed (white privilege can be useful… use it for good). WARNING – don’t risk your life or injury to do this. Be smart.
Expand your heart. Love bigger. The bullies are doing it to deflect or numb their own sense of shame and fear. Love them too. But don’t let them get away with exercising their “rights” while denying rights to others.
Forgive someone you need to forgive. In time, forgive everyone. Don’t stay in unhealthy situations. Sometimes you need anger to get out, like rocket fuel. But once you are safe, set about the business of forgiving.
Watch your own tendency to judge others. Might your temptation to judge be concealing an issue you could stand to do some healing work around? Ask for help from trusted people.
Talk with safe people about these issues and develop language that you can use when you need it. We must speak out against hatefulness and oppositionalism. Dissolve it.
Lastly, watch for opportunities to connect and have respectful, honorable conversations with people you disagree with, first maybe on neutral topics, then eventually on the hotter topics. Find a way to build bridges.

My rights should not take away your rights, nor vice versa. These are hot topics and need to be discussed by people who are not afraid of knowledge, truth, and honoring each other. Our country was founded on principles of respect, freedom, cooperation and responsibility. Also knowledge. Hiding in corners nurturing our grievances and nursing our prejudices until they explode into the light in pain and judgment is doing nothing good for our world.

Everything is either an act of love, or a cry for love. Find a way to build bridges.

August 26, 2015 Empowerment, Healing, Intention 1 Comment

Why Standing up to Your Inner Bully Can Be a Good Thing

Honestly I want to write about positive uplifting things, but I seem to keep hitting obstacles. Like I cannot get on the freeway because of accidents and stalled vehicles scattered across the on-ramp. Bummer!

So here’s the biggie – the obstacle – for me. I’ve been struggling for many years with a sense of lack… about money and time. Despite all my Course in Miracles work and my spiritual practice. I’ve disguised the struggle by calling it “being responsible.”

There’s not enough money… I need to work harder. I need to spend less.

And of course there are lots of judgments that go along with that lack statement.

My Course lesson the other day was this: “Let miracles replace all grievances.” That started me wondering. In my prayer/channeling time I asked “how is this attitude of mine linked to grievances?”

The Voice that I hear in my mind responded: You tell yourself that the world refuses to compensate you adequately for your labors, or provide what you need. That you are doomed to remain in lack because somehow the fit is wrong, the “rules” don’t work. You work and work, but you never have enough.

This is your grievance. Is this true?

Wow.

That was 4 days ago. I’ve been facing this head-on and chose to write about it, rather than something purely uplifting today. My Inner Bully gets going here as well.. “Why don’t you focus on the good stuff? What about positive thinking and all that blather that you usually are into?!”

But somehow, this is where I am. I’m somewhat comforted by Brené Brown’s statement about why she chooses to study shame: “If we want to live and love with our whole hearts, and if we want to engage with the world from a place of worthiness, we have to talk about the things that get in the way – especially shame, fear, and vulnerability.” (From The Gifts of Imperfection, p 36)

“the things that get in the way…” (like a chronic belief that the world refuses to provide what I need.. )

And the Course (A Course in Miracles) begins with this introduction: “The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence, which is your natural inheritance.”

“removing the blocks to love’s awareness…”

This is your grievance. Is this true?

My longstanding conviction of lack is standing in my way, a block to Truth and love.

The world doesn’t provide enough…I can’t figure it out well enough… I’m not enough.

These last few days I’ve been confronting this belief – can you guess how many times a day?

Despite living a respectable life in a nice home with a husband who loves me and money in the bank – I lost track… but somewhere around 50-100, and that doesn’t count the ones I failed to catch.

Yep. Despite all that good stuff, I’m spending a lot of my day, my mind energy – my creative energy OMG! – telling myself untruths about lack.

I guess it’s a bit like anorexics, who see themselves and tell themselves they are fat when anyone else can see they are skin and bones and even in danger. But they “see” a lie and believe it.

Intermittently over the last 35 years I’ve done a lot of prosperity work. I’ve seen other dreams of mine manifest… a lovely sacred private organic garden; a wonderful husband and singing partner; a small harmony group I love; singing lead onstage; healing in my children, and more.

But the prosperity/lack issue has continued to challenge me, offering me evidence that I don’t “get it,” and cannot make these principles work for me.

So I’m coming out of the closet, and am going to write about this more. I’m standing up to my Inner Bully. Michael Beckwith says that the world is suffering from a massive belief in the illusion of lack. It’s an epidemic. Despite evidence to the contrary, despite personal experiences that belie that.

So while I practice the prosperity principles, I’m going to face the Dementors directly – stand up to my inner bully: No. That is NOT true.

I’m asking my highway roadside assistance crew (angels et al) to clear the road with me, as often as needed so I can get on the onramp.

I’ll keep you posted.

April 7, 2015 Empowerment, Healing, Intention, Song 1 Comment

What Tatiana & Maxim Can Teach

You know how sometimes the Universe – or God or FP (as Pam Grout calls the Field of Potentiality) – points things out to us in a way that’s somewhere between funny and mind-blowing? I had one of those yesterday.

After hearing a transcendent and inspiring talk for Easter Sunday, inexplicably I fell into a pothole of anxiety around money … a favorite pothole of mine, which sometimes seems to have been around my whole life.

Anyway, I got a new angle on it… as a young wife, many years ago, I was in a situation where my partner let me down financially. I came out determined never to let that happen again. I became super-vigilant, with a bootstrap attitude: “If I want this done right, I’ll have to do it myself!”

Despite healing on many different levels in relationship, that one I must have missed.

My husband and I often work on healing issues together – a mixed blessing – ha! As we were driving home, I brought this issue up and he offered to help me process it. I agreed.

When we got home, he led me through a process around money that brought up tears and a longstanding sense of “I can’t trust my partner! I can’t trust God.. I can’t trust myself!”

You can imagine how far that has got me… lots of issues of mistrust arise in my life, lots of months and years of “doing it myself” and not being happy with the way that plays out (I can’t trust myself either, remember?).

So the work I did focused on trust. I want to be a woman who trusts her partner. Who trusts God/Unseen Divine Love. Who trusts herself – both to do the right thing and to let go and let others do their part.

I can – sort of – feel what this feels like. After the process and the tears, I felt a kind of openness to something new.

Within an hour, I was checking Facebook and came across a video. Tatiana Volosozhar and Maxim Trankov figure-skating. I watched spell-bound at the beauty of their synchronized and unbelievable dance. Suddenly, he lifted and threw her in the air. High above his head, she spun 3 times, came back down and he caught her… all on ice skates. The dance continued.

Chills came over me. “I could never do that. I’d have to trust that he wouldn’t drop me! She could be injured, paralyzed for life even if he dropped her! I could never do that!” As those thoughts spun through my mind the word Trust surfaced. She trusts him implicitly. She does her part. He does his.

Their entire dance is built on skill and trust. She must relax into his arms and allow herself to be thrown – and caught. Repeatedly.

Trust.

I’ve watched it three times now. They won Olympic Gold for this dance in 2014. Every time he throws her up I think “trust.” I see it in my mind. This is what Trust looks like.

I don’t know if the Universe could have given me anything that would better illustrate Trust than this. Along with the power, beauty, intention, and success in which Trust plays a part.

I’m lacing up my skates. Are you ready to skate with me?

Watch Tatiana and Maxim’s figure-skating program here.

March 3, 2015 Coaching, Empowerment, Harmony, Healing Post a Comment

Seduction of the Downward Spiral

Yesterday Stan and I participated in the Great Password Challenge.

Not that we signed up for it. It sort of snuck up on us both. He was changing his POP email accounts to IMAP, in honor of getting a new iPhone 6, to synch his devices, if you know what I mean. (If you don’t, don’t worry about it… read on.)

By mid-afternoon, I heard his frustration in his neighboring office, and offered my assistance. He had been changing the passwords to try to meet the demands of the system. By then, his email accounts had all quit working, giving him error messages.

In periods of frustration and problem solving, Stan often goes into a sort of shut-down, while I usually remain calm, if inwardly irritated. Yesterday, using our highest spiritual practices, we made it through 3 hours of password hell, without intense anger, language, even irritation with each other. A downright miracle.

By half-past suppertime (I declared Chinese take-out) we had his 3 primary email accounts all functioning again, both incoming and outgoing.

We high-fived! We congratulated ourselves and each other! We thanked God/the Universe for the Angel Tech helpers we had asked for. We also noted the great sense of accomplishment that comes when we overcome a challenge.

But then… as I sat down for supper I felt really grumpy. I wanted something – actually someone – to blame. I became – after the fact – angry at Stan for his part in getting this all tangled up. He in turn became self-critical and defensive, then angry at me.

The seduction of the downward spiral was pulling us both, right there over Chinese hot-sour soup and crab rangoon. I really wanted to slip over the edge and make it His Fault. Man, so tempting!

It’s the lure of the Dark Side, the vortex of suffering and blame. A Course in Miracles talks about the “attraction of sin and guilt.” There’s something in me that, sometimes, even with all I know, wants to go there. To put my tongue where the tooth just came out. To play “ain’t it awful?!” or “it’s his fault.” Or the ever popular, “Poor me… look what I have to put up with!”

But it seemed kind of a waste. We had both made it through a really challenging time without sinking in vibration, dropping in mood. Why would we spoil it now, when we had the option of enjoying a sense of accomplishment and a peaceful evening ahead?

As I sipped my hot-sour soup, I spoke of how tempted I was to blame. Stan dipped his crab-rangoon in the sweet and sour sauce and told me of the pull he felt to beat up on himself. We looked at each other with awe.

“We don’t have to go there, do we?”

By the time we we got to the Hunan Shrimp, we let the Downward Spiral’s gravitational pull move on past us both.

As John Milton said, “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..”

February 19, 2015 Coaching, Empowerment, Healing Post a Comment

The Usefulness of Crises

For my new (and old) friends, this will look like a confession. And so it is.

I announced to “the world” this week that “my vision is healed.” Yes, within my home, up to 20’ or so, all the double-ness is gone and things look unified to me again. I’m wearing my contacts.

But, yesterday, I went outdoors…traveling, though not driving myself. I was dismayed to see the world still looking double, at that longer range.

Now the other 9-10 times my vision has healed over the years, this is the normal progression.. up close gets better first, then gradually, far away heals as well, till all is unified.

But this time, the stakes are higher. This time, because of the blog, I have “others” watching me. Did I lie? Was I premature? Am I a fake, a charlatan? This morning, all these accusations are running around the back corners of my mind, barely loud enough to hear, but making me uneasy nevertheless.

Which brings up the issue of doubt.

Which, in turn, brings up the usefulness of crises.

I’m not going to explore doubt at the moment. I’m sure you all have your own stories about it, and know what I’m talking about. What I’m going to explore is how, sometimes, in a crisis (or what we perceive as a crisis) all doubt disappears and we are capable of super-human focus and accomplishment.

Remember the stories of a small woman able to lift a car off a child in a moment of need? I can relate. I feel the strength in me to do that.

But after the child is safe, how strong is that woman? Can she maintain a strong-state-of-mind? Will she take any of the wonder of that moment, any of the obvious physical achievement, and change her life? Will she change because of it?

Or will she go back to her normal?

In nearly all natural (or man-made) disasters around the globe, we gradually hear the stories of tremendous love, purpose, generosity, coming-together, healing, and selflessness that appears in those aftermaths. Humans are capable of these behaviors and qualities.

But in “normal” times, we as a people can be quite self-absorbed, uncaring, and isolated.

Might we “need” a crisis to discover qualities we hadn’t been using? Strength. Decision. Expansive love. Compassion. Crossing racial/ethnic/religious boundaries. Faith that things can be better and the effort to move in that direction.

On the personal level, do I need a crisis to realize my thoughts impact my health? To become aware of them? Do I need a crisis to focus my will? Is my faith, my awareness, so ramshackle that it falls apart and I go back to doubt and low-grade fear as a way of life?

I say NO. I’m once again releasing this moment of doubt, letting it go, and letting my mind be easy. That Strength, that Expansive Love, that Healing, is not “of me” anyway. All I really have to do, once again, is get out of the way.

February 17, 2015 Empowerment, Healing, Song 20 Comments

I Can See Again

Just before Christmas, after losing some sleep and other things I termed “stressful,” my vision – for the maybe 10th time in my life – went double. I was upset and afraid, because suddenly I could not drive… every person I was talking to became double… movies were impossible unless I covered one eye completely… and more.

Christmas night I cried with fear and frustration. Why was this happening to me again? What did I do wrong and what could I do about it?

As I caught my breath from crying, I heard the Voice that I hear… “you are terrorizing yourself with your thoughts about food, blood sugar, your body. You tell yourself that food is more powerful than your thoughts – but it is just the opposite.”

It was stunning and I could recognize the Truth in it. But I didn’t really know what to do about it.

So I began wearing my eyeglasses (instead of my contact lenses) so I could use the plastic (stick-on) prism that allows the images to come back together. I could drive again. But my view of the world was slightly blurred from the prisms, and I dislike wearing the glasses for many reasons.

January went by. At times I cried about my vision.. would it ever heal? What should I do? I visited my MD, who strongly encouraged an MRI – a brain scan. She also tested me for MS. I passed, so she did not push me to a specialist there. Each prospect triggered a touch of fear in me, though I remained convinced there was nothing seriously wrong with me.

I passed the MRI with no abnormalities. No dark diagnosis hung on the horizon.

Still, my vision remained double, and I wore my glasses from morning till night. I theorized that my blood sugar was so sensitive, my metabolism so touchy, that eating sugar or processed foods, or losing sleep… or getting too upset – all of those could put my system so out of balance that my eye muscles “snapped,” or “went out.” This process happens to diabetic patients sometimes with their vision, and that’s the best explanation I had ever had. To keep this all from happening, I have diligently managed my eating and stress.

Here, I could write a book. But I won’t.

Fast forward to February…. six weeks after it began.

I wrote this in my prayers the morning of February 4.

— You have terrorized yourself with your thoughts about your body and food, declaring that food is MORE powerful than your thoughts. It is exactly the opposite… but as with all things, your thoughts have “made it so.” Your body obediently overreacts to many foods now. And you hold the fear of that all the time.

Are you ready for an undoing?

YES! Please undo this for me. I have no wish to diminish my Trust by making small thoughts. Help me. Once again I give this fear to You.

My fear is this… that sugar and processed foods are like a toxin to my body and it goes into kind of a chemical shock-state when I eat very much sugar. I am afraid of that state and afraid of overdoing it. I am afraid of the power – the negative power – sugar has in my life. I am afraid of sugar’s poisoning effect.

******

That day I began to affirm – off and on throughout the day – “I have a strong and stable metabolism. I can handle anything.” And “my eyes are unified and stable – I see clearly.” After the fearful thoughts were outed, it became easier to state the affirmations and actually believe them.

During this time, I came to a line in A Course in Miracles: “Be sure of what you want, and doubt becomes impossible.”

I want clear Vision in all senses of the word. I want a Guided Life.

For two weeks or more, as best I can, I have just been peaceful with my eyes and my body. I have taken no extraordinary measures. I have eaten well, but not perfectly (some sugar, some processed food). I have refused to talk to myself in any way that is disempowering. I have done my best to resist going into fear or worry, or demands for timing/healing now. I have avoided “why?!” and “how soon?!”

Ten days went by. I refused to go into fear, however small or subtle. Last Saturday I even had 2 small pieces of cherry pie and ice cream – sugary! – at a birthday party. I could feel the fear of the consequences starting in my body/mind, but reiterated to myself.. I have a strong metabolism. I can handle all kinds of things! My body is strong and stable and my eyes work together perfectly.

Sunday I went to a gathering with a psychic. Everyone else asked questions and I could feel the impulse to ask “How do I heal my eyes? Why aren’t they healed yet? What should I do?” But it seemed somehow disrespectful. To myself. To the healing process already happening. By now, I could feel that healing was happening. I knew it. So I asked nothing.

Today, I woke up and my eyes are so together I was able to put on my contacts. I am celebrating! There’s only one house across the street… only one Stan… only one of the paintings on the wall.

I am elated. But also, I’m in awe.

I did not heal myself. I did not ask God to heal me and He did. I asked to release all the things that blocked Truth. And, that happened.

I can see again. Joy!!

January 24, 2015 Empowerment, Healing Post a Comment

Who knew? Puppies and Principles

When my children were in grade school, we got our beloved Liska, a white Spitz puppy. She looked – and pounced – like an Arctic fox and was a fabulous companion and playmate in our country home.

Of course she always knew when we were preparing to head out for a walk down our country road – what dog doesn’t? But there was another stranger thing. Sometimes I would be finishing the kitchen cleanup and think to myself, “I need to give Liska a bath.” At the moment she would be dozing nearby. By the time I finished the cleanup, she was nowhere to be found.

Normally responsive to my calling, she uncharacteristically did not come to me. Nor could I locate her visually anywhere. Hmmm…. what happened?

No bath of course.

Eventually she’d reappear. When this happened repeatedly I looked harder. I found her on the floor deep under our queen-sized bed, in the middle, too far for my arm to reach. She never went there normally, but there she was.

As I pondered all this, I realized she was picking up on my mental intention to bathe her – which she didn’t like. So, when the “intention” faded out, she resurfaced.

I had to find a way to keep my mind clear of thoughts of “bath” and just pick her up. That was challenging, but over the years, I managed to do it often enough that she was usually nice-smelling. It still amazed me that she could read my mind in that way.

Fast-forward to now. Stan and I find ourselves raising a lovely white Spitz (officially American Eskimo miniature) puppy, now just under 4 months old. Desperate to solve problems, be good doggie parents and eventually have a well-mannered companion, I’m reading two puppy books and watching films.

Here’s what I have learned so far. In All Dealings with Puppies, you must:

1. be clear and unconflicted in your intent
2. project only a calm, assertive energy (manage your energy); use body language as well
3. praise acceptable behaviors, ignore most unwanted behaviors.
4. use words only after these conditions are met.

Do you see it?

When I read this list, I can substitute Your Life, for Puppies. These are the same principles I’m working on in the rest of my life.

Who knew?

Well, probably Cesar Millan for one… and the Monks of New Skete. But I sure did not.

Raising a puppy – successfully- is a profound spiritual practice. With immediate feedback. Unlike Life, which can be a bit slow, a puppy is a downright instant biofeedback machine.

Upset? Angry? Nervous? Puppy is unsettled, frenetic, chewing and biting.

Calm, assertive, loving? Puppy is cooperative, relaxed.

Puppy can “read my mind,” just like Life does.

Wow. If I had known this I would have saved myself a lot of grief and got a puppy years ago.

August 6, 2014 Empowerment, Harmony, Healing Post a Comment

Feedback

You know how it feels when somebody’s sound system is not right and there’s a painful screech? Ouch!! That’s how much I like feedback. Not just in music performance. In my personal and professional life too.

[custom_frame_left] [/custom_frame_left]See, when I was young, I was surrounded by people who knew what was best for me, and regularly told me so. More than my parents, it happened with my friends, who were quick to inform me of what I was doing wrong and what I should be doing instead.

I grew up anyway. Surprisingly, I didn’t become a card-carrying hippie/rebel/bra-burner. At least not openly.

But I went into the closet. I didn’t want to know what anyone else thought of me, or thought I should do. If they tried to tell me, to give me feedback, I flinched. Then I left.

Oh sure, by the light of day, I know we are all connected, we are all one (spiritually, energetically, even biologically). But hey, this is my life here! Don’t try to tell me what I could do differently. Or better. I can do it myself!

This morning I’m wondering. As an entrepreneur, how do I know what my prospective clients want if I don’t ask for feedback? As a mother, how do I know how what my kids need from me if I don’t ask for feedback? As a wife and partner, how do I know what is working and not working in our relationship if we don’t ask each other for feedback?

Feedback was tied up in a package with shame when I was young. I survived, determined to shut out that shame and manage on my own.

Now, to live connected, I’m guessing I must open the door and learn to take the good with the bad. Aaagh!! Can I hear what people want, what people think, and sort it out? Can I be sturdy enough to withstand the occasional shame trigger, to sift through to the gold of interacting at a deeper level with others? To move into partnership? Community? Interaction?

The feedback screech tells me something is wrong, out of balance. With help, the problem can be solved and the result is something powerful and beautiful. Maybe it’s worth it.

What do you think? 🙂