Coaching | Linda Chubbuck

March 20, 2015 Coaching, Empowerment Post a Comment

Yeshua: Staring at Your Feet

Note: This is the first ever published of the guidance I have been receiving since 1993. Recently Stan and I have been listening daily, recording most sessions. This came in early March and is unedited except for moving one paragraph to make the ending complete. The name of the being(s) has been given to me as Yeshua. It is unfailingly loving, wise, and always encouraging of expansion. — Linda

We tell you now that you under-use the power of intention and the power of gratitude, both of you – that you too easily – and we don’t mean this as condemnation but as feedback – too easily stare at your feet, and your last two or three footprints and and ask why and stir around the mud that you’re standing in instead of looking to the horizon and practicing deep heart gratitude for the horizon and the planet and the vision you’ve been given.

Dust off the mud, and don’t worry about why you slipped on that last footprint, the one just before this one. Just dust off the dust and scrape off the mud, and continue.

See yourself looking across out at the ocean with the beauty of mountains rising out of the nearby shore. Or the horizons awaiting you. Spend your energy there, don’t look at your feet and spend your energy stamping around there.

Look to the visions you are creating and look to the landscape you’re in right now with great gratitude. Even the lake yesterday was spectacularly beautiful was it not? Did you see its beauty? Yes. And it was just a simple midwest lake in winter. There is so much more but we want you to see the beauty in the simple things, too.

We want you to spend your moment by moment energy in gratitude for what is here, right this moment and in excitement about the life unfolding before you. You have no idea how that will change your lives, how that will change the outcomes.

And again, we mean no judgment here but Linda spends time with lists and lightweight anxieties about the day and the management of her life and household and those she loves, and Stan spends time with the Royals and the Chiefs. And all the teams.

Those are unimaginative ways to spend your powerful creative energies, do you understand that? Both of you?

They are lacking in energy and vision and lacking in joy, both of them lacking in joy.

You wouldn’t believe how difficult it is to get beautiful, transcendent, loving, glorious, dream fulfilling thoughts through to frightened, separated, shut-down humans who are absolutely convinced that they are alone in the world. Can you understand that?

We want you to hold on to the visions of the outcomes you want and to spend time today outdoors, cleaning and clearing, enjoy the physical work, enjoy that you’re both strong and healthy, enjoy the warming temperatures, enjoy this beautiful fenced backyard that you have, and see your community in your vision.

Gratitude and Vision – and allow the vision to stir your excitement.

March 3, 2015 Coaching, Empowerment, Harmony, Healing Post a Comment

Seduction of the Downward Spiral

Yesterday Stan and I participated in the Great Password Challenge.

Not that we signed up for it. It sort of snuck up on us both. He was changing his POP email accounts to IMAP, in honor of getting a new iPhone 6, to synch his devices, if you know what I mean. (If you don’t, don’t worry about it… read on.)

By mid-afternoon, I heard his frustration in his neighboring office, and offered my assistance. He had been changing the passwords to try to meet the demands of the system. By then, his email accounts had all quit working, giving him error messages.

In periods of frustration and problem solving, Stan often goes into a sort of shut-down, while I usually remain calm, if inwardly irritated. Yesterday, using our highest spiritual practices, we made it through 3 hours of password hell, without intense anger, language, even irritation with each other. A downright miracle.

By half-past suppertime (I declared Chinese take-out) we had his 3 primary email accounts all functioning again, both incoming and outgoing.

We high-fived! We congratulated ourselves and each other! We thanked God/the Universe for the Angel Tech helpers we had asked for. We also noted the great sense of accomplishment that comes when we overcome a challenge.

But then… as I sat down for supper I felt really grumpy. I wanted something – actually someone – to blame. I became – after the fact – angry at Stan for his part in getting this all tangled up. He in turn became self-critical and defensive, then angry at me.

The seduction of the downward spiral was pulling us both, right there over Chinese hot-sour soup and crab rangoon. I really wanted to slip over the edge and make it His Fault. Man, so tempting!

It’s the lure of the Dark Side, the vortex of suffering and blame. A Course in Miracles talks about the “attraction of sin and guilt.” There’s something in me that, sometimes, even with all I know, wants to go there. To put my tongue where the tooth just came out. To play “ain’t it awful?!” or “it’s his fault.” Or the ever popular, “Poor me… look what I have to put up with!”

But it seemed kind of a waste. We had both made it through a really challenging time without sinking in vibration, dropping in mood. Why would we spoil it now, when we had the option of enjoying a sense of accomplishment and a peaceful evening ahead?

As I sipped my hot-sour soup, I spoke of how tempted I was to blame. Stan dipped his crab-rangoon in the sweet and sour sauce and told me of the pull he felt to beat up on himself. We looked at each other with awe.

“We don’t have to go there, do we?”

By the time we we got to the Hunan Shrimp, we let the Downward Spiral’s gravitational pull move on past us both.

As John Milton said, “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..”

February 23, 2015 Coaching, Empowerment Post a Comment

How Do You Ride the Rapids?

Have you ever run a set of rapids? In a canoe, a kayak, or raft?

Whether you’re the helmsman or just along for the ride, you can sense the rapids just before you hit them. By the time you hear them, there’s no turning back. The choices are where – and how – to go through them, and the state of mind in which to go.

Terrified? Calm? Alert? Confident? Present?

Sometimes you might make it through the rapids on sheer luck. But more often, the way you arrive on the other side has something to do with the choices you (or your helmsman) made right in the middle of the rapids.

For me, there are hard times in life that show up now and then, and when I’m at the edge going in, I realize, “Oh, &#$%@! Here we go…” Entering the rapids.

The next thing I tell myself is this (not always in words mind you): this is going to require every milligram of spiritual wisdom you have gained over the years. You cannot forget to love, to trust, to surrender, to have faith… to see a wonderful outcome.

I feel as if I’m riding the rapids and can afford no distraction, no self-pity, no indulgence.

No weakness. At least not now. (Later I’ll have the massage, devour the chocolate, watch Downton Abbey…but don’t distract me now!)

This feeling and awareness can be launched by events such as: 1) the realization that I’m driving on ice; 2) my husband’s bout with cancer a few years ago; 3) the need to confront someone I love with an issue that needs clearing between us…and more. You get the idea.

Someone sent me this quote today, from Brian Johnson, The Optimizer: Nassim Taleb echoes that wisdom in his genius book Anti-Fragile, reminding us that “Wind extinguishes a candle and energizes fire.” (Here’s Brian’s website.)

If I go through the rapids cowering in the canoe, afraid to do my part, even if on the other side I survive it, I have lost power rather than gained it.

If I go through the rapids fully alert, watching for boulders, leaning, steering, paddling if it’s mine to do, and survive it, I come through with a faith in myself and my abilities. I am prepared for equal and greater challenges. I can choose to be the fire, not a candle to be extinguished.

Think Malala.

How do you go through the rapids in your life?

February 19, 2015 Coaching, Empowerment, Healing Post a Comment

The Usefulness of Crises

For my new (and old) friends, this will look like a confession. And so it is.

I announced to “the world” this week that “my vision is healed.” Yes, within my home, up to 20’ or so, all the double-ness is gone and things look unified to me again. I’m wearing my contacts.

But, yesterday, I went outdoors…traveling, though not driving myself. I was dismayed to see the world still looking double, at that longer range.

Now the other 9-10 times my vision has healed over the years, this is the normal progression.. up close gets better first, then gradually, far away heals as well, till all is unified.

But this time, the stakes are higher. This time, because of the blog, I have “others” watching me. Did I lie? Was I premature? Am I a fake, a charlatan? This morning, all these accusations are running around the back corners of my mind, barely loud enough to hear, but making me uneasy nevertheless.

Which brings up the issue of doubt.

Which, in turn, brings up the usefulness of crises.

I’m not going to explore doubt at the moment. I’m sure you all have your own stories about it, and know what I’m talking about. What I’m going to explore is how, sometimes, in a crisis (or what we perceive as a crisis) all doubt disappears and we are capable of super-human focus and accomplishment.

Remember the stories of a small woman able to lift a car off a child in a moment of need? I can relate. I feel the strength in me to do that.

But after the child is safe, how strong is that woman? Can she maintain a strong-state-of-mind? Will she take any of the wonder of that moment, any of the obvious physical achievement, and change her life? Will she change because of it?

Or will she go back to her normal?

In nearly all natural (or man-made) disasters around the globe, we gradually hear the stories of tremendous love, purpose, generosity, coming-together, healing, and selflessness that appears in those aftermaths. Humans are capable of these behaviors and qualities.

But in “normal” times, we as a people can be quite self-absorbed, uncaring, and isolated.

Might we “need” a crisis to discover qualities we hadn’t been using? Strength. Decision. Expansive love. Compassion. Crossing racial/ethnic/religious boundaries. Faith that things can be better and the effort to move in that direction.

On the personal level, do I need a crisis to realize my thoughts impact my health? To become aware of them? Do I need a crisis to focus my will? Is my faith, my awareness, so ramshackle that it falls apart and I go back to doubt and low-grade fear as a way of life?

I say NO. I’m once again releasing this moment of doubt, letting it go, and letting my mind be easy. That Strength, that Expansive Love, that Healing, is not “of me” anyway. All I really have to do, once again, is get out of the way.

February 12, 2015 Coaching, Empowerment 1 Comment

Incoming

I’m as compulsive as anyone about checking my inbox…. despite the fact that probably 90% of the incoming emails are groups, promotions, activist invitations, etc. Still… there might be that one important or awesome email…can’t miss that one!
Last night I pored over the paintings by Akiane along with her story. By four years old she was drawing images of people and sometimes angels that she said she saw. By 6 and 7 those images had become dynamic, realistic and unbelievable. By age 8, with color paints, she painted Jesus. Her Prince of Peace, 36” x 48”, is stunning, along with the poem that goes with it, and commands thousands of dollars for the original.

Her story, of seeing heaven but living on earth, is sincere, evidenced by the paintings she continues to create, as well as her rich and unusual poetry. She receives visions from heaven and puts them into paintings.

Reading Akiane’s story, I’m (again!) brought to remember. What is real? What matters? What is true?

What am I paying attention to?

I feel so fickle at times… one day I know I can hear guidance from holy sources that is unfailingly wise and loving. Two hours later I’m consulting my to do list and not listening at all. My incoming box has all my attention.

Which Incoming am I tuned in to? Today I’m tuning in to the softer, but wiser Incoming Voice/Guidance. Reversing the focus.

The noisy, visible, demanding world is receding, while I “listen,” and write, and hear.

Check out Akiane’s work here: http://www.akiane.com/store/

February 4, 2014 Coaching, Empowerment, Healing Post a Comment

Power Trip

I’m on a power trip. Not a Wolf of Wall Street spree, more of a Caving Adventure. And not the most fun trip I’ve ever taken either. I’ve hated caves ever since I watched Tom Sawyer and Becky get lost in the cave and terrorized. My own real life experience in the caves of South Dakota did nothing to change my mind, though I wasn’t lost – or terrorized except in my head.

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It started a few weeks ago, when I got this guidance/intuition to gather songs about our warrior energy. Warrior Energy, warrior songs, kept showing up in my life, so I gathered them, and launched our new Harmony Center with an evening of songs and reflections about our Warrior Energy.

But that was apparently just the beginning.

Separately or so it seemed (ha!), I was working on financial issues, and going deeper than I ever have in my life on this topic. I began to look at chronic financial struggling as an addiction issue, the illusion of lack. In the last week, I added Tapping (EFT) to the mix of what I am doing – and undoing.

Sure enough, emotions and deep issues began arising. Suddenly I saw that my financial worries are not really about money… no? Seems it’s more about Power. Power. Empowerment.

Our Rev. Erin McCabe told a story Sunday about fleas in flea circuses… yep, she does that sort of thing! That the fleas are trained by putting a large glass jar over the fleas and as they jump high, high, high, they can only jump as high as the glass jar allows. So, they learn – train themselves – to only jump that high and no higher. And, you guessed it, when the jar is removed, they continue to jump Only That High.

As a girl child of the 50’s and 60’s, I was trained in the “fix yourself up pretty, Daddy’s coming home” mode. (I had a book. I can still see the matching blue sundresses for Mama and Little Girl to put on before Daddy gets home.) I was taught by my parents and my culture not to be Too Tall (I began to slouch at 13 when I grew taller than the boys my age), Too Smart, Too Strong (don’t ever beat a man at a game or you won’t be liked), and it goes without saying…. Too Successful, Too Passionate, or Too Rich.

I was smart and I learned these lessons well. Then Women’s Lib and the feminist movement came along and I was wise enough to recognize the rightness of the issues they raised. However, I was still immersed in a male-dominated community and culture, and then I began to raise 3 children, which I was passionate about doing well. Not a popular way to spend my time in feminist circles.

I ended up completely confused.

The girls my daughter’s age and younger probably don’t think this affected them. But I can tell you, any unhealed areas in our mothers’ lives, our fathers’ lives, get transmitted insidiously to the next generation to be dealt with, maybe in a fresh new way, but still needing to be faced.

Fast forward to now – after years of creative entrepreneurship, mixed with more conventional jobs like teaching, I’m now wanting – deeply, passionately wanting – to do work that I love AND earn good money. And I need to do this.

But there are fears. There are tears. There’s confusion, frustration. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to make it work. I want to do work that is meaningful, creative, and that I get paid for.

Never have I succeeded at that combination before. There’s a voice inside me telling me it’s impossible. “There’s nothing you can do that will work… it won’t happen.”

Barbara Stanny writes about “The Collective Brainwash.” “Women don’t understand power and it’s obvious why. Money, like sex, is a powerful force. The only way to control access to such powerful forces is with equally powerful taboos. The world’s gone to great lengths to keep us in the dark.”

She continues: “Still today there are no positive words for a powerful woman (think: b#$%h or b&#$-breaker).” (From Secrets of Six Figure Women by Barbara Stanny)

It’s in our collective unconscious, the marrow of our bones… to be a powerful woman is to risk being burned at the stake, or drawn and quartered.

This is the stuff of the caving I’ve been doing. Not very fun.

Several years ago I watched the Disney movie, The Hunchback of Notre Dame. In the movie, the Minister of Justice sings a song about sinning and the fires of hell, blaming his lust on the gypsy girl Esmeralda, determined to destroy her to protect himself from his own desire.

I watched that scene mesmerized. I have lived that. I have been Esmeralda, and been despised, hunted, condemned by men for who I was, who I had the power to be.

It’s still in my bones, in the memories of my cells.

It’s hard to claim your power when your body remembers what happens when you do.

Taking a breath… I’m not in that situation anymore. I am not threatened, the people around me, the men around me would celebrate my power, my success, my prosperity. Taking another breath…..

So why don’t I just make up my mind and claim my power? Here and now? Think positive? You Go Girl!!

I guess there’s a little of the flea in me. Don’t want to hit my whole body against that glass ceiling again, so I’ll be sure to jump a little lower. I know how to do that. I’ve been trained.

It’s much harder to trust that the glass ceiling is gone. That it’s safe to be powerful. It’s safe to be passionate. It’s safe to be successful, even wealthy. No matter what I learned as a child, as a teenager, a young wife, an adult… it is now safe to be fully as powerful as I can be.

I also have to deal with my own inner demons: if I were rich and powerful, would I still be kind? Would I become greedy? Would I exploit others? Would I become a workaholic? All the judgments I ever had arise to meet me, like ghosts in the cave.

But I’m putting on my spelunking gear. I’m taking my own Light with me, and I have proper tools. I have companions, who may not be any more experienced than I, but they are brave and willing and they also have tools.

There’s treasure in this cave. And I’m not coming out until I find it. It belongs to me, it was mine since the beginning of time. I’m supposed to go in there.

I know it’s not about the destination, it’s the journey that matters. But when I’m on a power trip, when I’m going caving… that destination – the reclaiming of my own natural power – it does matter.

Bon Voyage to me.

January 25, 2014 Coaching, Empowerment, Healing Post a Comment

Our Warrior Energy

Last night, as I have many nights in the last couple of weeks, I woke early, and started to worry about money and income, as I have been lately. Mind you, I TRY not to… I know it’s not spiritual, that I need to have faith and also move my feet. But at 4 a.m. it’s easy to forget those guidelines.

So I had this little dream. “Going through the bank, on the deposit ticket (we just did a balance check or something), is the stamp in bright ink, ‘You do this at great risk!’ …. like, checking our balance indicates that we know how much is there, and that incriminates us somehow. I am confused…. why are we at risk for checking our balance?”

Whatthe?! What is that about? In the darkness I lay there pondering the meaning, and heard my Guidance say clearly and powerfully, “You are terrorizing yourself about money…. Stop. Now.”[custom_frame_left] [/custom_frame_left]

Terrorizing myself? Well, yes. I could see that all these “If you don’t… then…” voices were alive and flourishing in my mind. Despite occasional meditation and spiritual readings. And that those same voices were whipping up a pretty good lather of fear in me.

But… but… I need that! Don’t I? What else would get me to do what I need to do, for crying out loud?!

Wooaaah! Really? Do I believe that? Do I actually function like that? Do I terrorize myself with what if’s and maybe’s and you better’s and if you don’ts… like whipping a horse to make it gallop?

So I stopped to listen to those voices. I could see patterns, I could feel the meanness in the criticism. The disrespect to my self. The disregard of my spirit, my soul.

Is it possible that I might get myself to do something new, something challenging, something needed… without terrorizing myself into action?

As I held all these voices and thoughts gently in my mind, other questions unfolded: is “terrorizing” sometimes necessary to break through our denial (oh, it’s not too bad… I’m dealing with it)? Is there some other way to support myself in taking bold, never-before-done action? Does this dynamic go on in other people too? Does it go on in our culture, between people, between groups? and then… …. What if the construct of hell was created to terrorize ourselves and others into being good!?

So I have been preparing for a Warrior Energy Radical Harmony evening, coming soon. It’s on the calendar. This is the first of a series of musical/song events I’m offering, and I’ve had clear Guidance for several weeks that this is where I start. I’ve been considering, what is the warrior energy? Some people equate it with soldiers and killing others, and don’t want to have anything to do with it. But I know it’s more than that. In fact, killing others is probably the dysfunctional side of our warrior, what happens when we don’t learn to embrace and use our warrior appropriately.

Our warrior energy is the blazing light of clear seeing, the power of saying NO to what is no longer needed or respectful in our lives, the power of saying YES to letting go of comfort and security in order to grow. The warrior energy is what is called for when we make a challenging change in our lives: to quit a job that is too small for us; to take charge of our health, losing weight and exercising; to go back to school; to leave a relationship that is not healthy; to deepen our spiritual practice despite distractions. Our warrior energy blazes the trail, clears the path, stays the course, takes us where we need to go. Our warrior energy is the energy of empowerment.

Our warrior energy is the antidote to terrorizing ourselves about any topic. It can cut through fear with a crystal clear edge, and take you with it.

Fairy tales are sometimes ridiculed as sexist, romantic, outdated. But if you look at each character as part of yourself, part of the archetypes within you, fairy tales become powerful stories filled with guidance. Sleeping Beauty fell asleep, under the spell of a witch. Hmmm… any part of my life where I’ve ever “fallen asleep?” Or fallen under the spell of a variety of dysfunctions? After a very long time asleep, at long last, the “prince,” – the warrior energy – cuts through the brambles, the thickets, the veritable jungle, to reach the sleeping beauty and awaken her/it.

That warrior energy is within each one of us, however distant or long ignored it may be. We can call upon it to come in, to cut through the confusion, the jungle, the brambles, the distractions that have grown up around us.

The warrior energy has the power to awaken us. The warrior energy has the power to free us.

Reclaiming our warrior energy is not about killing, not about terrorizing ourselves or others. It is about empowering ourselves, and in the process, those we love and those who will be inspired by our example.

The world is waiting for our Warrior Energy.

December 20, 2013 Coaching, Healing Post a Comment

Knitting Love

About a month ago, I started knitting – a handmade colorful baby blanket for my first biological grandchild, who’s on the way. A year ago I would have told you “Hey, I don’t have time to knit! I’m a busy woman, working on building a new career!”

Now here I am, knitting like any crazy-in-love grandma-to-be.[custom_frame_left] [/custom_frame_left]

But that’s just the beginning. You know how sometimes circumstances converge, the planets align, and the bells and whistles all ring? That’s what happened to me today. And knitting played a key role.

Overnight we kept my “bonus” grandson, Alejandro, who’s 15 months old. He arrived without a jacket, so I had my husband bring upstairs two treasured boxes of old and mostly handmade baby blankets and clothing to see if I had kept a jacket that Ale could wear. As I slowly unpacked each cherished item – I had only saved the best, the handmade, the not-worn-out – I found myself reeling as I lifted out one handmade sweater after another, in sizes from Infant to 4-5. Knitted by my mother. For my children, including Adam, the one with the girlfriend who is mother to Ale.

Here’s a tiny size 2, denim-looking jacket, complete with embossed snaps and jean-style seams… made by me, for my son Adam 30-some years ago. A lacy yellow knitted blanket made for my daughter, by her grandma (my mom).

When my pregnant daughter-in-law protests that the knitting projects are “too much work,” I tell her adamantly, “With every stitch, I’m thinking about you both, and about the baby girl growing inside. I’m knitting love.” Knitting serves as a meditation as well. A portable art that suits my life at this time. Creating a treasure, while I move from room to room, visit, travel. I am loving it! And she accepts this.

Still, I get it that knitting is a lot of work, and I’m only choosing the simplest of patterns. When I hold the tiny white sweater my mother made for my first-born Jessica, lacy and intricate, with a matching hat… I am in awe. How could I not deeply appreciate that back then? (Sure, I said thank you, and I did like it… but …. now, I get it.) What was I thinking?

Somehow, this awareness triggers a gusher of emotion… sadness that my son Adam and his girlfriend are moving across the country with Ale in just 3 weeks and I will so miss them; joy that my first grandbaby is on the way for my other son; fear that I could lose one of these many people I love so dearly at any moment…and awe at the passage of time. How could all these tiny garments belong to my children who are now moving across the country with a new family, or starting a family of their own? How could this happen? Was I not paying attention?

The magnitude of love and life and loss fills me. There is no way to stop Alejandro from growing… growing from this buddha-like smiling baby, into a mischievous fast-moving toddler… into a small boy with dreams of his own. There’s no way to stop growth. And change. And life. And loss. Even death.

We are so fragile. Those we love are so fragile. And no matter what we think or try to do, there’s no real way to protect ourselves and those we love. Anyone could be taken away at any moment.

The sense of time pierces me…. I didn’t appreciate my mother’s love and fine work, her gifts to me and my children. I was so lost in my own affairs, my own life. I took for granted the love, the hours, the intent that went into her little sweaters – a deep blue one for my son, with a Fair Isle design in red and yellow and white.[custom_frame_left] [/custom_frame_left]

Unbelievable. I wasn’t paying attention.

I couldn’t stop crying this morning. Life is so fragile. Each moment changes so quickly. If we are not paying attention, it’s gone forever. And with it, all the details of its beauty.

Is this perhaps what other grandmothers experience, when they first enter the realm of GrandMothering? Is this why my mother-in-law used to say to me, “Enjoy them while they’re young! Time goes too fast!” And I would think, “Well sure, that’s easy for you to say! Me, I’m just trying to get the laundry and meals taken care of while I deal with two toddlers!”

My experience today feels mystical and deep. I love so. And I so get it that all that I am loving is vulnerable. It hurts to pull that all into one moment of awareness.

I don’t believe I could bear it if I didn’t have a deep conviction, even an experience, that despite the fragility of all forms of Life (including me), Something – Something Real – underlies all of this beauty and fragility.

As if God is wearing 10 billion different costumes and masks, playing here on this beautiful planet.. playing a Young Woman.. oh WOW! How fun is this! Playing an Octopus… gal-up, gal-up… playing a Redwood Tree… stillness, with a whispering of the branches.

The costumes, the masks come off and vanish – but the underlying Force that comes into Form is always there, forever. Filled with Love. Being Love. It IS Love.

Yes, there is loss. I will someday lose all those I love, at least in physical form, or they will lose me. But the love remains. Beyond the physical world, love remains. And love is the force from which all this is built, this planet as a playground for the soul to practice. “Can I love in this challenging situation? Can I love even though… ?”

How can I bear it? Whatever I might know or believe, still I’m only human. I don’t want my heart broken any more than the next person. I don’t want to lose anyone.

The tiny sweaters, miniature gifts with love in each stitch, now the castoffs of my adult children… remind me. The children may have grown, as each now-adorable baby will also. But today, as I looked at the sweaters, the blankets, the tiny bathrobe I sewed.. what I saw, what I felt, was love. Not loss. Only love.

My gift to my children, to my grandchildren, to my friends, my husband, my clients… must be that Love. Loving bigger, loving deeper. Even when I know there will be seeming loss.

And my second gift? To be present. To pull my mind from this Great Understanding back into the present moment, to just be. Take care of Ale while he’s here. Run with him… play sticks with him…. follow the rooster with him. To pay attention. To knit love into every stitch, and to savor the feel of the yarn on my fingers, the growing weight of the blanket.

I bet I’m not the first grandma to figure this out.

December 13, 2013 Coaching, Harmony 1 Comment

So you say you want a man……

So you say you want a man? A partner for your life? Or a woman, a lover, a wife?

You’ve tried match.com, greensingles, maybe even harmony.com, not to mention taking classes you don’t really care about, going out when you would rather stay home, and writing in your journal until your hand cramps? You’ve tried prayer, you’ve tried visualizing, you’ve asked your friends to set you up (this last one you’ve given up on after one too many lousy blind dates)… and still – you are alone? So you want some help, some key that will unlock the door to blissful wedlock or at least long-term significant-other-ness? And somehow, you’ve come to me?

I’m honored. I am happily married (5 years now, plus 4 of togetherness before that), and getting better all the time. But my answers, my suggestions may surprise you… and you may not want to hear them. I’m going to suggest an inner harmony that precedes the harmony of partnership.

If you were really willing to listen, here’s what I would say to you:

1. Stop looking. Now.

Instead, take your journal and write. Write what kind of a person this wonderful partner-to-be is. Physical characteristics are okay, but don’t spend much time there. What you want to write about are the qualities of this person. In detail… things like honesty, courage, focus, authenticity, transparency, kindness…. or the lack thereof. Make your own list. Take a few days if you like, but be thorough. Allow your intuition to guide you. This is a portrait of the person you want to attract. [custom_frame_left][/custom_frame_left]

Is it complete? When your character description contains all you hope for, review it and ask yourself – with great honesty – am I the kind of woman (partner) this man deserves? Do I measure up to my ideal partner? If not, where do I fall short?

It is quite common to long for a partner who is more mature and evolved than you are ready for. I believe this is one of the key reasons nice people sometimes don’t have the partners they want. They could settle for someone who’s at the level they are… but their standards are higher. And either they don’t see what’s happening or they don’t want to do the work to be ready for that other partner.

So step one is to prepare yourself to be with the kind of person you truly want as a partner, in every sense of the word. Which leads to step 2.

2. Face the possibility that you might never have a partner. I know, I know, positive thinking and all that…. but Other People are amongst the most challenging things to manifest from our little human perspective and you just have to be honest about this. So get on with it, face it and make up your mind that you will be as happy as is humanly possible Even If You Don’t Ever Get A Partner. For some of you, this may involve the loss of a dream of children of your own as well. Still the process is the same. Face it. This is critical. You may have some tears, some deep grieving about this, and it’s important not to resist this. Just cry, sob, play sad music for a day or two and face this possibility head on.

Next, with that grieving behind you (or sneaking up now and then to haunt you), decide what – other than a partner – makes you happy and fulfilled and content? Owning your own home? Deepening your friendships? Developing a talent you have long ignored? Whatever it is, begin it. Fill your life full, step by step, with the activities that make you happy and make you feel connected. Don’t stop. (If you should be blessed with an opportunity to date someone, above all, do not give up these same activities for him or her. Very Important.)

3. Study and adopt the principles of healthy relationships. Practice with each friend or family member in your life: Being authentic. Taking care of yourself. Saying no when you need to say no. Being kind.

Find a therapist, a coach, great books, and be willing to look at yourself honestly. Have the courage to look at any annoying or unhealthy habits you may be unaware of. Change. And keep changing. It will feel strange at first, but will gradually feel absolutely essential. You will look back and wonder how you could have ever been any other way.

4. Become the most beautiful woman (or man) you can be. The most glowing, the most brilliant. Find role models you admire and post their pictures to remind you. Recognize your own inner beauty and become even more beautiful. Beautiful in every sense of the word…shining, loving, creative, caring, strong, no-nonsense… and more. You are beautiful from the inside out. Let that beauty, your inner harmony, show.

5. Do your own healing work, which can in turn leave the door open for a partner. Were you abused in any way? Sexually, emotionally, physically? Prepare for the possibility of partnership by doing your own healing work with the help of a process and people you trust. Deepen your spiritual practice, not as a means to get a partner, but for the sake of your peace.

Tips: *When that voice in your head says, “You’ll be alone for-EV-er!” you can respond with something like, “That may be, but dammit I’m going to be happy anyway!” And find the ways to do that.

*You don’t have to be perfect, or do these steps perfectly, to attract a partner. But there are also no free passes. Do these steps, then repeat. Continue.

And lastly? *Pray for this prospective partner that you want. When you feel tempted by longing and self-pity, flip that emotion, return that longing to the god-of-your-understanding – and deeply, earnestly, pray for this person who may become your partner. While you are at it, pray for yourself, that you may become worthy of this amazing being.

Above all, recognize your own inner value at this moment. Then work to make that visible. When you do that, your life becomes astonishing and inspired. You are in harmony with yourself.

You may even forget you wanted a man.

December 2, 2013 Coaching, Healing, Song 1 Comment

Good Vibrations #1

I don’t know about you, but since my early 20’s, I’ve been intentionally healing and changing. What was familiar as a child becomes clearly unworkable, even painful. I come up against some new awareness, and have to find the way to heal from it, to grow out of it.

Whether that’s patterns of eating, ways of being in relationship, thoughts about myself, or my understanding of God, by now, actually, I’m pretty much a whole new person. And I’m pretty sure I will still need to change and grow more!

So, I have this healing thing kinda down…. I know a few processes that work for me. Sure, there’s always therapy. But I’ve been prosperity-challenged often in my life (that’s one of the issues I mentioned above), and have discovered other creative, powerful processes that don’t require professional help (or at least, not much).

One of these is the Inner Counselor process, developed by Ann Nunley, PhD, which uses our own inner guidance and symbols in a powerful healing process that may take an hour or less on a specific issue.

Another self-help process is journaling – journaling the questions, the desire for healing, for breakthrough, for understanding and solutions…. and listening for the answers – setting the intention for healing and growing. The Universe has a way of responding to a plea for help.

Then there’s also various support groups, which, if well-done, can be immensely healing.

But here’s the rub. Even after you go through this healing crisis and end up with new understanding and maybe a sense of freedom… you have to support yourself in this new place. This new and very unfamiliar place.

Sorta like having successful triple bypass surgery (thank God!), then coming home knowing you have to change your whole way of eating, exercising, maybe even thinking. OMG! How do I do all this?

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I call this the need to support ourselves at the new vibration. We are all, on this planet, at this time in the history of humankind, offered an opportunity to grow, to evolve – to become more loving, more empowered, intuitive, creative and alive – more connected to ourselves, to others, to nature. If we say YES, this will in itself trigger this healing and changing process I am describing.

But we still have the default human tendency to say, inwardly, “Well, thank God, THAT’S over! Now I can go back to normal.”

We live in a time when “normal” is “change.” If you want to be part of the awakening, the evolutionary process at work in our world, you must get comfortable with change, even with deeply personal inner change. On a regular basis.

AAAAAGH!!

Have you noticed how fast and often your computer’s operating systems change and update? You can refuse to participate. But eventually you are unable to connect, at least, reliably. My theory is that upgrades just reflect what’s going on within us all.

Here’s the good news. These changes are leading us into ever greater freedom, compassion, connections, empowerment. Personal healing, when we don’t shy away from it or get stuck in the victim story, is a powerful doorway to transformation and greater brilliance and joy in our lives.

There are tools to support us in these inevitable changes. Ongoing support groups that you may find, or create yourself are one tool – such as a Twelve-step group, a writer’s or Artist’s Way Group, a women’s or men’s group, an inspirational book study group. A MasterMind group or a prayer partner are other options. The powerful spiritual text, A Course in Miracles, is another choice. Some people use the I Ching. Any daily spiritual practice is a support.

But throughout your day? How do you support yourself in this new place, this new vibration, all day long?

My favorite, most powerful and accessible tool is music. Songs you play in your iPod, your CD player, but mostly, songs you sing in your head, in your car, in your living room, in your shower. There is a growing world of powerful music to support healing and transformation, and these songs are empowering and healing. Songs – which, when you sing them, quite literally cause your entire body to vibrate – are a most potent tool to raise your own vibration.

The Beach Boys knew what they were talking about with Good Vibrations. Next week’s blog will be very specific about where to find powerful songs and why to use them.